Better Days

I'm such an ass-hole. Ffffffff. When will I be better???? Why can't I stop make people upset? Why can't I control my self? Why can't I get better? GGGOOODD, HELP ME! Forgive me, God. Forgive me, people I've annoyed. God, put this darkness out of my soul. I can't stand keep making people mad so that I can regret what I've done. I wanna be better. I should be better. I will be better. COME ON! I can control my self to be better. I can!!!

Any chance for me? To do it all over again. To fix my self. To make it better. Is there a choice? Because I need it. I'm not feeling good enough for what I have. Will you give me one more chance? And believe in me? Believe that I wont screwed up. Will you give me another choice? Because I regret that I pushed you away. And I hate knowing the gravity not pulling you back to me. I need a chance to make you happy, to make you smile, to make you stay. I want a choice between stay far away from you or stay close with you. And of course I'll choose to stay close with you. Because I can't help this feeling any more. Feeling sorrow for this big space between us. Just, please. Give me the chance, and the choice. I promise I wont disappoint you, next time and forever.

I don't know what I feel. I don't know how to feel. His smile, his laugh, I can't stop it popping in my mind. God, I think I'm in love! Ugh, I hate feeling this. I'm an amateur lover! I used at driving people away. But I know, I wont give him a space. I wanna be forever at his side. To see all his smiles and laughs. To fall in love with him. To smell his scent. God, please help me. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this feeling. I'm suffering! I might be in love madly. God, please, please, please, hold him next to me. Please, God, I'm begging you.