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A Year

So, been a year, huh. A year and more. What happened with me in this last year? Well, not much. Just a man.

I met him on November 2014. We were teammate. I never really interested in him. Until January 2015, I dreamt he holding my hand. Twice. I dreamt about it twice. In the dream, we felt it is not right also good to do such thing. But both dreams made my feelings mixed. I kept thinking, what is this? Why those dream?

Later in February, he came to me, showed off his generosity. It kept going for a month before he asked me to be her girlfriend. At first I'm not sure because I thought we don't need it. We don't need this kind of relationship. And I wasn't looking someone like him. But his good heart wins. We spend most of our time together since.

He is...tender, loving, caring. He never mad at me even I tried lots thing to make him mad at me. He never feels too manly to say sorry. He always blames himself for every silence and anger I throw him. He keeps saying that I'm so beautiful, smart, and kind. He always supports me. He always helps me to finish my to do lists. He once woke up in early morning, made me breakfast, picked and took me to campus, and helped me decorates something. He never stops saying that he loves me. He always been optimist that there is way for us to be together forever. He never wants to talk about us not being together. Everytime I feel like its time to end this, he always wins me back

We've been together for almost 10 months. My longest relationship with a man. Even I hurted him many times, he stand by me. Even I said that I don't trust him, I know he loves me. Even I said that I don't love him, I need him more than he knows. This huge feeling make me think...

Are we gonna be alright after we graduate? Because somehow I know, we wont be together anymore. Are you...gonna be live happily? I know you'll be. You are smart, kind, loving, big hearted. You'll always find ways to be happy, with or without me.

I cried a lot last year everytime I think that we wont be together in the future. But I really enjoyed spending 2015 with you. You are like a happiness I wished for came true. I feel like God sends you for me to make me smile. To teach me how to love. To show me how it feels to be loved. To support me through my senior year. To fill the loneliness inside my heart. To help me know which is good and bad, right and wrong. To make me a better human being.

You are every women's dream. You are the perfect package. On top of that, sometimes I feel that I don't deserve you. Too much good things in you. You treat me best yet I keep being mad. You have more goodness than I asked God for a happiness. Every single thing in this life is God's. And what God has given, will be taken, right? God will change it for something better, right?

When we are not together anymore, don't cry on it. Be happy. Because we are here together right now to help ourselves to be better. To be ready for other God's great plans.

And if we do stay together. Well, one hell of a journey, right?

Back in December 2015, I told him that my 2016 resolution is to never miss fajr pray. Later in the new year, he called me in the morning. I turn it off because I really wanted to sleep. In the noon he explains that he wanted to wake me up for fajr pray and realise my resolution that I don't even remember.

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